I’d Choose You

 

I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway.And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”

— Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars

Biggest Regret

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“What’s your biggest regret in life?” You suddenly asked while sipping your cup of coffee, watching the rain drop as people pass by in the busy street.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was when I let my classmate get the highest score in a Math Quiz Bee years ago when I had the chance of winning, or when I didn’t buy my favorite Paramore limited edition album,” I replied. “Why’d you ask?”

“I’m not really sure. It just came into my mind,”

I chuckled, “You know what? Let’s just hurry and finish our drinks before we get stranded in the middle of Manila.”

You laughed and pinched my cheeks, “You’re right. Let’s go.”

I looked in the mirror in front of me and smiled. After all these years, after all the joy and pain, here I am, getting ready for the time we’ve all been waiting for. The wedding.

Hastily, I wiped the tears streaming down my face. I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through, this will be our destiny. Our final destination.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, “Sierra, program starts in 2 minutes,” Carla, the wedding coordinator said. She’s been the one arranging everything and I’m thankful for that.

I smiled, “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

The big Church doors opened and I heard the violin version of Don’t Stop Believing by Journey played in the background. Looking back, I couldn’t help but to feel emotional. I remembered all those times we shared. Picnics in the park, watching the cars pass by in the city, laughing until our stomachs hurt, and talking about simple, yet crazy things while watching the sun set into the horizon.

Then, I saw you there. Wearing a white tux, next to the altar, smiling teary-eyed. As I saw that sight, I felt a familliar beating in my chest, the same beating I first felt when I first bumped into you at the grounds of UST.

The people smiled at me as I continued walking down the aisle. In just a few minutes, we will start a new chapter in our lives. We will turn the page, and start writing a new one. Not because we don’t want to, but because it’s life, and change is inevitible.

Before I knew it, I was infront of you. I looked into your eyes and saw the same eyes I fell in love with years ago. Another tear escaped my eye.

“You ready?” I asked, even my voice was hoarse because of crying.

“I’ve never been ready,” you replied and looked at me intensely. You held my hands and squeezed it, “I love you Sierra.”

“I love you too, Christian,” I said smiling, looking intently in your eyes with tears running down my face.

You kissed my forehead, and slowly, I let go of your hand. At the same time, I let go of all the memories we made, the laughters we shared, the tears we cried, and everything that was in between.

I looked at you one last time, and heard my own heart crashing into tiny pieces as I walked away. I couldn’t bear the sight of you getting married with someone who isn’t me. I couldn’t bear to watch you say the magic words to her. I couldn’t bear to watch you kiss her the way you kiss me. I couldn’t bear to see you start the new chapter of your life with her and not me. It was too painful to watch. Too painful that I couldn’t even breathe properly.

Years ago, you asked me what was the biggest regret of my life, and I answered I wasn’t sure. But now, walking away and letting you go, one thing came into my mind.

 

 

 
My biggest regret was not telling you I love you when I had the chance to.